"Pushing Daisies" (You will forever live in my heart)

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This Blog is Dedicated to Bryan Fuller-the creator of "Pushing Daisies"

Last night ABC aired the final episode of "Pushing Daisies". And with it now ended, a little piece of me has died inside. If you've never watched the show then please get on it. The first season is already out on DVD and the 2nd (and final) season will be out on July 21st. I wish that the writers would have had a little bit more time to finish the stories they had intricately weaved into existence in this show. As it stands, they did the best they could in a (maybe) 30 second long wind up of (most) of the open ended stories. What remains a mystery-does Ned ever find his Dad? But, that's okay. I'm sure they did the best that they could.

As I finished watching the show tonight, and I realized what they were doing to try and appease the loyal fans, tears began to stream from my eyes. I mourn the loss of this treasure, the stories that will remain untold, the characters we'll never get to meet, and the songs we'll never get to hear Olive randomly burst into....I am sad for everyone involved and also for myself. Pushing Daisies was the place I went to in the current television climate for a respite from all of the annoying reality shows and overactive teenage hormones. The only other show I've cried over ending was "Gilmore Girls", and that was different. It, at least, got to wrap up its story-lines with a little more time (no thanks to its creator who almost destroyed it before she left over contract disputes with Warner Bros, but I digress), but I wasn't sad that it was ending-it really was time. I was sad that I wouldn't have my 'old friends' around with me every week anymore. But it's different with "Pushing Daisies". I wept because it was taken before its time, and I have a feeling there will never be a show like it again.

L'amour...blah

So, I turn 32 in a little less than a month (YES! Jenn and I are the same age for um..a month..ha!) Having reached this ripe old age lends itself to some self reflection. Something that keeps coming up and won't leave me alone is the "why are you still single" question. Please believe me, if I knew the answer to this question I WOULD TELL YOU! Now, don't get me wrong-I'm actually in a much better place than I have ever been before when it comes to this ol' love thing. In fact, I'm feeling so rational about it now that I'd like to tell myself about it. So, here you have it. A letter to myself, at various ages, going backwards through the awkward annals of my ill fated crushes and awkward dates:

Dear 28-29 year old Shawna,

You are showing great character by the person you have chosen to fix your affections on, but believe me when I say this-he is not the right one for you. It turns out it was more being in the right place at the right time (or, wrong time wrong place, really), that you even fell for him. Believe me when I say this--you WILL get over him, and you will actually be happy for him when he finds the right one, and marries her. Trust me


Dear 25-26ish year old Shawna,

What on earth were you thinking? He is not right for you, and you thank God now for letting you dodge that bullet.


Dear 20-21 year old Shawna,

Wow, this one was tough, but I promise you that you will get over it and be happy to be friends with him, to this day. Really.

Dear 18 year old Shawna,

Okay, that was awkward-you thought you were hanging out with just a friend and he showed up in a tie. Don't laugh at him, and try and have a good time. And, well-good call on not going out with him again. Really.



Dear 11 year old Shawna (yes, it was a long, dry spell),

Please keep on being excited about being asked to the 6th grade dance by that boy. Even though you found out the next day at school that you were like, 5th on the list of people he called and asked. (Wow, those catty 6th grade girls words still sting to this day). Although you weren't his first choice, you still could have had a good time, but you let your pride get in the way. You will continue to wonder whatever happened to that guy, and wish him well, even if you weren't his first choice.



Dear 10 year old Shawna,

Charlie is just your class buddy, do not try and have a dance with him at the 5th/6th grade dance. It will not go well.

p.s. that leah girl is after him too


Dear 10 year old Shawna,

You will continue to carry a love for Vincent of the tv show Beauty and the Beast. He's a good catch--a romantic, a poet, a protector..and, well, yes he also happens to be a teensy bit like a lion. This is okay. He only kills the ones that threaten you! On the other hand, Commander Riker of the Starship Enterprise is a good alternative..again, good choice. All he has to do is get over his thing with Counselor Troi and you're right in there.



So, there you have it...my romantic history. I've never actually dated anyone and most of my 'dates' have been unintentional and/or weird. I'm hoping that since the rest of my life sucks right now (yes, still unemployed although I do have an interview today) that something will give and the right man will fall into my path. Wherever that path may be.

Coming soon....my adventures in the weird world of online dating!

DEAR EDITORS OF TV GUIDE ONLINE!

Photo found at: http://www.tvguide.com/PhotoGallery/Fat-Guys-Hot-1005918/2.aspx


FAT GUYS WITH HOT WIVES

Dear TV Guide Online,

A few years ago I remember reading an article in your print magazine that angered me so much that I actually tried to call in a complaint. I think I got someone from subscription services who frankly didn't know what I was talking about, but apologized anyways. The article in question at the time was something to the effect of "Fat Guys and the Wives They Don't Deserve". I let it go at the time, but then I see through the Twitter feed today that you've gone back to the easy target of 'fat people' by including a link to this gem of a photo essay (I use the term lightly): http://www.tvguide.com/PhotoGallery/Fat-Guys-Hot-1005918/1.aspx

I'm not a fat guy, but I'm a fat girl. There, I said it. I can stand to lose quite a few pounds, so can a LOT of people. So maybe I'm a little more sensitive about this, admittedly, but I still think I have a valid point. If their issue had been with the laziness of the writers involved with the show in using cliches to portray storylines, I might have let it go-but no-they merely were amazed at how these so-called 'fat guys' (I really don't think Jim Belushi should be included here, he's just solid!) were all fictionally married to these really hot wives and how they don't deserve them. Why? Apparently because they're fat. And if you're fat-apparently you're not allowed to fall in love with anyone who does not match you physically.

EXCUSE ME?


I've realized for some time now that overweight people are the only remaining group that it is okay to ridicule in today's so-called politically-correct world. Since when is it okay to make fun of someone for what they look like? I thought that was passe? But no, it's a double standard that will continue to prevail when articles like this nonsense continue to be published. I love TV Guide Online. I really do, I am 'friends' with Matt Webb Mitovich on Facebook and follow his updates closely on the shows that I watch, but I really find it frustrating when rubbish like this is posted.

I have already direct messaged you about my displeasure (thank you for following me on twitter, that was very convenient), but I really needed to get my feelings out in a space that holds more than 140 characters.

I've already used this term in another blog post today, but I'll say it again. Shame on you.

Sincerely,
Shawna

So, It's Been a Week...

and I'm feeling better.

mostly.


I have my moments.


Sometimes I hesitate to write what I'm feeling on here, thinking that it might be 'too much', or 'too raw', but then I would be lying to everyone. I hate being lied to so I don't think it's fair for me to lie to you. I felt better that night after some prayer and having lots of people pray for me, and I'm taking steps towards what I hope will be gainful employment, they're just agonizingly S L O W steps. Ay yi yi.

Anyways, I don't really have any news on that front right now other than I have another interview of sorts this weekend, so prayers would be appreciated! It's for a part time job that I think would be really cool, AND a welcome financial addition to my current income. If I could work the church job playing piano, this part time job, and also pick up a few vocal students, then I might be okay--for a bit anyways! I have a few more employment opportunities of the full time sort that might be more of a 'down the road' kind of thing. See what I mean by slow?

In the meantime, "Working", the show I was in, closed this weekend. We had a great run and I really loved the experience. I'm contemplating auditioning for one more show before those long term employment opportunities come along, but--the show is kind of far away--and..I don't want it to interfere w/my part time job possibility. So, I just might let that show go. There'll be other shows for other times. You can't do it all, you know?


I went to see "Up" today and oh my word, I loved it. I cried, I laughed, I cried again, and then I laughed again. It was a great story, and I hope everyone gets a chance to see it. I love that AMC has $5 admissions Mon-Thurs, it really saves me alot of money.

Of course, when seeing a movie there are a few things that always tend to annoy me. So, here's a letter to the offending parties:

Dear Lady with Two Small Children Not Yet Old Enough to Sit Through a Whole Movie,

I'm so glad that you got the chance to come out, but I really do not enjoy watching a movie with your kids constantly running up and down the aisles, calling to each other, 'whispering' to each other (have you heard a toddler whisper? I think it's louder than their normal speaking voice), whine for "THEIR" popcorn, and make a general nuisance and commotion of themselves. But I guess I should have been thankful because when you finally gave up and left halfway through the movie (hooray!), I hadn't realized that you were distracting me from an even worse offender. So,

Dear PISTACHIO NUT EATER FAMILY,
O M G. Why, out of all of the snacks in the ENTIRE world, did you choose to bring PISTACHIO NUTS to enhance your movie experience (and therefore practically ruin mine)?!?!? Not only did I get the joy of hearing you crack them open with your teeth, I also got to hear the awesomeness of the discarded shell hitting your makeshift garbage tray in the seats next to you. I would like to thank you because previous to this experience I thought that having someone pop their chewing gum was the the worst possible thing to hear in a movie theater. You proved that there's something even more especially heinous in nature. Shame on you!


Sincerely Concerned about the Future of Movie Theater Etiquette,
Shawna

Stay tuned readers....I have another blog coming up in just a jiffy. That's right! It's a two blogs in one day kind of day!

So, the black hole is winning again...

I thought I was down before, but now I actually feel physically depressed. As in, something is pressing down on me, preventing me from feeling happy or joyous about anything. It's like a physical force that is controlling me mentally as well as spiritually and physcially. In order to figure out why I was feeling this way I decided to look up depression on dictionary.com and this is what was written:

de⋅pres⋅sion  [di-presh-uhn] Show IPA
–noun
1. the act of depressing.
2. the state of being depressed.
3. a depressed or sunken place or part; an area lower than the surrounding surface.
4. sadness; gloom; dejection.
5. Psychiatry. a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason. Compare clinical depression.
6. dullness or inactivity, as of trade.
7. Economics. a period during which business, employment, and stock-market values decline severely or remain at a very low level of activity.

I would say that definitions 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, or 7 could be definitions of my life at this very moment. For some reason I'm just really going over in my mind all of the failed job opportunities that have come about in the last five months. Five months of rejection can really get to you. The one that's really smarting right now is the SEO (search engine optimization) company. I keep going over the interviews in my mind, wondering where I went wrong or what I could have said to make them go with me instead of "another candidate" as they so coldly wrote in their email of rejection to me.

I see no point in getting out of bed in the morning.

I try to fill my day with things that are useful, or 'fun', but most days-I'd rather just be asleep.

I have no health insurance, so I can't even seek help with how I'm feeling by talking to a professional.

I'm disappointing friends who count on me.

I take no joy or pride in having earned a Master's degree.

I only have enough money in the bank to pay my bills through 'maybe' July.

I feel down. and so low. I thought I would get better with a friend visiting me this past weekend, but now that she's left I feel even worse.

Please take this blog for what it's worth-I'll probably feel better tomorrow. But, for the 21 of you who have sometime visited here--just pray for me, please.

wishin', and hopin', and dreamin'..and prayin'

So, I just filled out yet another application. This one is for something I'm not even remotely qualified for (except that I have a master's degree) so--TAKE THAT all you people who call me OVER QUALIFIED!!! =)

Seriously though--this would mean a major life change so it's scary to me. And exciting. I'll post more about it when I can!

So, I saw "Wicked" again today...

lol..yeah. I did. No judging! You're just jealous! Or maybe you're not--but I don't care. I got to see "Wicked" again!

They're doing a lottery thing, just like they do in NYC. Basically you show up 2.5 hours before the showtime, turn in your name and how many tickets you want, wait til 2 hours before showtime and then they draw names. There are only 10 sets of tickets (20 tickets total) so that's a limit of 2 per person, paid only with cash ($25) and a valid photo id. There was a show at 1pm today so I figured my chances were good to get in..and boy was I right. I was the only one there til about 10:45 (I got there at 10:15, I think we've established my dorkiness), when only one other person showed up. Anyways, while I was waiting a woman and a young man approached me, asking if I was waiting for the lottery. I said I was and she was like..GREAT! Would you mind going on tv? I was like..ummm...what? Apparently our local news (Channel 13) was doing a story on the lottery and they were afraid no one was going to show up at all since it was a strange time for a show! So they interviewed me, asking questions about the show and what I liked about it..etc. I really have no idea what I said. It was kind of surreal at this point. Plus, I was afraid that people were going to show up and ruin my chances of getting in! They were all excited when they saw someone else coming over too. I got to talking to the other woman who showed up and turns out we both go to the same church--and I was like..oh, you might have seen me singing there sometime. She looked at me and was like..OH MY GOSH. You are like a CELEBRITY to me! I thought that was hilarious--if you know me at all, I am NOT a celebrity. lol...she was like..you..and that other guy that sings--are you guys like..dating, or married? She gave a physical description and I just laughed...she was talking about my Dad. I explained that no-that was just my dad. So funny. Anyways...it was really cool to meet her-she hadn't seen the show before and was really excited about it. I had seen it before, and was really excited about it =) It finally turned 11am, we got our seats (Front row, almost center) and I went home..got Mom, and we headed back to Norfolk to see the show-again!

Now I've been going over my songs/lines for tonight-I have a show tonight! I hope I don't go out there just singing songs from Wicked! =)

Oh, and another thing--if i had a job-I wouldn't be able to do these kinds of things. Having a job can suck it! =)