That dark hole is getting bigger...

So, my 'service engine soon' light came on yesterday morning, just after I left the dentist's office where I had a couple of tiny fillings put in and some touch ups on some other fillings. I love my dentist, she knows about my employment situation and they only charged the insurance-no copay! I'm very thankful for that as I found out today that the repairs on my car are close to a thousand dollars. One. Thousand. Dollars. I'm glad that I've been holding off on any extra spending...as it is my parents are going to have to help me out (so I don't have to put part of it on the devil card). I held it together in the service rep's office for about five minutes, but then the waterworks began. I was so mad at myself for letting myself cry in front of them, but seriously-I've just had enough. My recurring mantra is-when God? when is going to get better? when will this hell end? I know that I am a lot better off than a lot of people out there-I have a roof over my head and food to eat-thanks to my parents--and if worse comes to worse and I don't have a job at the end of April I can go ahead and cash out my retirement and pay off my immediate bills....but..I don't know. Sometimes I just wonder what the heck God is up to. I hate being unemployed. I know He has a plan for all of this, but heck if I can tell what it is at this point.

**UPDATE** I was offered (and accepted) the temp to hire position for $8.50/hour. It's a start.

Sometimes the dark hole wins

Yesterday I gave into wallowing and self pity. I read back through some of my blog posts from the last month and noticed that I've mostly been upbeat about being unemployed. Well, I'm here to tell you-I am not upbeat about this everyday. In fact, for the most part, I'm freaking out about it under the surface. I don't know what the answer is. Today I am turning in m substitute teacher packet and then I have a temp to hire interview at 12:45. Neither of these things thrills my heart, and yet I'm trying to find the silver lining in them. Even if it's not a job that I love, at least it'll be a job (if I get it). I'll go and try and make the best impression possible and then cross that bridge when I get to it. It only pays $8.50/hour....but at least it's a job. And you can't turn that kind of thing down--and no one says I have to stay there forever. In the meantime, I'll just keep looking. And praying.

Dark hole--go away!