So, I'm probably like a lot of you-I stayed up too late last night ringing in the New Year and I'm really tired. In fact I'm surprised I'm still awake right now. I'll be heading to bed soon but first I had to get something off of my chest about something that happened to me today.
I ate my lunch in the food court of the mall where I work. I often bring my lunch to work and find it easier to relax for a few minutes if I leave the store where I work and get away for a bit. Sometimes I just buy lunch at the food court although, after five months or so the food court food has lost its sheen. Today I was joined partway through my lunch by a good friend and her hubby-both whom work at my store-and we had a great time just sitting and laughing. As we got up to leave one of the mall 'attendants'(!!?!? 'food court workers' 'people who go around and clean up the tables and sweep, etc?!?!?), tried to gain my attention as we were leaving. I thought maybe I'd left something behind at my table or whatnot so I turned to see what she wanted. She then proceeded to hand me an advertisement-mumbled something about her daughter having a showcase and that I might be interested in it--now, I pause to say that at this moment my friend thought that the lady was trying to hand me an advertisement to some kind of dance showcase and laughed-but I had looked a bit closer at what she was trying to hand me. As she turned it over it clearly was some sort of 'weight loss' management system that apparently her daughter was a rep for and that she thought, and I quote "thought I really could use". A little part of me died inside. I mean, believe me-I'm not blind-I know that I'm overweight. I see the stares. I hear the laughter that people think they hide. I see the looks I get when I go shopping with my 'normal sized' friends in department stores. But never have I been so flat out called out about it. I said no thank you-and the lady looks me in the eyes and says--"are you sure?". I assured her that I was, refused to take the leaflet and walked away-cheeks burning in shame. My friend, God bless her-was like..wait-what was that? And I explained. I could tell she was embarrassed for me. I handled it like I often do-made a joke about it and stuffed away yet another hurt down into that abyss. As we walked back to our store I made sure that I appeared fine, in spite of the blow just dealt to my ego.
If you've read my blog at all before you know how I feel about this kind of thing (see this previous entry if you had any doubt: http://reflecting-light.blogspot.com/2009/06/dear-editors-of-tv-guide-online.html). I believe that overweight people are some of the last few politically acceptable people groups it is okay to target with jokes and insults. I'm used to it. What was different about it today was to see my friend's reaction. Apparently it affected her even more than I realized-later she asked if it was okay if she sent an email to mall management about what happened. I said it was fine--and I remembered to be grateful. I'm grateful that there are people out there who can see past the extra folds and lumps and bumps-to see that there's a person in there. One who has built up a thick skin, but underneath is as fragile as thumbelina.
So, Happy New Year to all-2010 certainly started with a bang, hopefully the rest of the year will go a little bit better than it did today.
