For Now

I find that I often lack the power to aptly describe what is happening in my life and lyrics help me express it in a way I may not be able to. I'm having a time like that right now. There's a delightful, irreverent show called Avenue Q that skewers with humor and pathos. In particular, for me, the lyrics from "For Now" have been racking up frequent flyer miles as I go through a bit of a trial in my personal life. It's nothing that I won't recover from, but it's taking longer than I had anticipated. The part of the song that's especially sticking in there is: 

"For now we're happy...


If not overjoyed.


And we'll accept the things we cannot avoid, for now..."

Acceptance of something that will seemingly have no resolution is hard. If something happens that sucks..and I don't understand it, and there is no line of communication built to rectify it--I'm without ammunition. I cannot comprehend it. And I HATE that. But, it has happened and now I must pick up the pieces and rebuild. 

I would say that I would hope that I would be a little less trusting and a little quicker to guard my heart in the future-but I know myself. I won't do it. When you get me-you get me 100%. I spent the better part of this week wistfully wishing that I could be a robot and just file all extraneous emotion away into a lockbox, which I would then shove out of a boat in the middle of the deep blue sea. But I'm not going to do that and it would be against my nature. Things are going to happen that suck. So, future me..? If you're looking back and reading this-remember how much your heart hurt in this situation...and be glad you're not in it anymore. Don't worry about tomorrow-just get through today. And if, at the end of the day, you can look around and count more blessings than curses-then you've won.