When I look back at pictures of myself from high school almost 20 years ago now (geez)..I see a normal sized girl. I probably could have stood to lose a few pounds but I was mostly around a size 12 or 14 all through high school. A size I'm dying to fit back into. The point is-I always always ALWAYS thought I was fat back then. And if I was comparing myself to the stick insects that I went to school with-then I was, but again-I digress. What if I hadn't been fixated on that? What if I had just stayed the same size? What other struggles would have I gotten myself into? I probably would be glad that I have had the struggles and trials that I'm having with weight-because at least I can do something about it. This line of thinking won't get my anywhere..but it did make me wonder.
This was me posing for a senior prom picture. More on that when I am feeling a little more able to share some vulnerable memories.
3 comments:
I understand completely. I grew up with the mentality that I was "putting on a bit", "filling out" and "needing to be careful" most of my High School years. I look back and realize I was a size 9. I was for my height 15 pounds underweight. I felt fat and certainly received the message loud and clear that I wasn't "as thin" as the other girls. I have spent my entire life since watching my food, exercising, and most important working through all the mental crap that has now occurred from years of thinking I am not worth anything because my exterior doesn't match the inside. I'm done and ready for a different life! I've known you since you were a little girl. You have always been beautiful and you always will be Shawna! Much love and best wishes for continuing on your journey!
It's funny, I had the "sometimes I wonder.." conversation with myself a couple times this week. I guess we all have our struggles and it's how we choose to deal with it that matters. I've enjoyed reading your entries and I love that you keep moving forward. Sometimes I have setbacks in "my own" attempts to move forward. It can feel overwhelming, like I'm not making any progress, but I've been trying at least. I want you to know that I'm praying for you. Thank you for putting yourself out there. I'm sure sometimes you feel vulnerable, but you've been an inspiration to me Shawna. Keep moving forward Shawna, knowing that this friend is moving forward as well & she's praying for you! Shelli Paddison
Thank you so much! It's difficult at times but I've been able to stay the course pretty well and it's definitely with a lot of help from my friends!
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