I thought I was down before, but now I actually feel physically depressed. As in, something is pressing down on me, preventing me from feeling happy or joyous about anything. It's like a physical force that is controlling me mentally as well as spiritually and physcially. In order to figure out why I was feeling this way I decided to look up depression on dictionary.com and this is what was written:
de⋅pres⋅sion [di-presh-uhn] Show IPA
–noun
1. the act of depressing.
2. the state of being depressed.
3. a depressed or sunken place or part; an area lower than the surrounding surface.
4. sadness; gloom; dejection.
5. Psychiatry. a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason. Compare clinical depression.
6. dullness or inactivity, as of trade.
7. Economics. a period during which business, employment, and stock-market values decline severely or remain at a very low level of activity.
I would say that definitions 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, or 7 could be definitions of my life at this very moment. For some reason I'm just really going over in my mind all of the failed job opportunities that have come about in the last five months. Five months of rejection can really get to you. The one that's really smarting right now is the SEO (search engine optimization) company. I keep going over the interviews in my mind, wondering where I went wrong or what I could have said to make them go with me instead of "another candidate" as they so coldly wrote in their email of rejection to me.
I see no point in getting out of bed in the morning.
I try to fill my day with things that are useful, or 'fun', but most days-I'd rather just be asleep.
I have no health insurance, so I can't even seek help with how I'm feeling by talking to a professional.
I'm disappointing friends who count on me.
I take no joy or pride in having earned a Master's degree.
I only have enough money in the bank to pay my bills through 'maybe' July.
I feel down. and so low. I thought I would get better with a friend visiting me this past weekend, but now that she's left I feel even worse.
Please take this blog for what it's worth-I'll probably feel better tomorrow. But, for the 21 of you who have sometime visited here--just pray for me, please.
3 comments:
Praying commencing... NOW!
PS. I pray you'll get a job before I see you next. But if you don't, I will volunteer to come get you out of bed to job search with me. And I will make you laugh... OR make you so sick of me bugging you to search with me.
And then you'll get a job right away, and I'll applaud you. But secretly wished I would have gotten the job instead. hahaha. Just kidding. ;)
i feel like that most days and most months. It sucks.
I'm praying for you girl. Love you.
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