Staying the Course....

What keeps you going?

What motivates you to continue on a difficult journey?

Do you just give up?

Do you persevere and maintain that drive?
Where does that drive come from?

As I have been losing weight these are questions that keep coming up. People ask me how I stay so focused or if I just want to give up. Or they admire my tenacity and claim that "they could never do that". Well, I'm the one that got myself in this predicament and I'm the one that will have to get myself out of it. No one else can do it for me. My drive comes from within and from an assurance that I have many people praying for me, and I can feel it.

 I started working on my weight loss in July of 2011. The path I was on led to an early death at the worst, heart disease and degenerative disc diseases in my back and sleep apnea at the least. Some of the damage that has been done cannot be undone-but by losing the extra weight and visiting the chiropractor regularly I can make sure that further damage does not occur. In fact, it was some excruciating back pain (to the point where I couldn't bend over to tie my own shoes) that led me to making an appointment at the chiropractor in the first place-because the massage I tried just seemed to make it worse. I have been going for a little over a year now to In Good Hands Chiropractic with Drs. Lou and Tiffany Fernandez. Both Dr. Lou and Dr. Tiffany have been instrumental in helping me get to a good place, physically. They have been encouraging, pushed me when I needed it and overall been fantastic. I have their number if you're looking for a good chiropractor.

Anyways-once I started to feel better, physically, I knew it was time to do something about my overall health. I had tried Weight Watchers before, and been successful, but I knew that as soon as I stopped following the plan-I gained it all back, and then some. But that wasn't the program's fault-that was mine. I was so rigid in how I followed it before that I didn't allow myself any wiggle room. And when it felt like it was difficult to do it-I didn't want to do it anymore. The great thing about Weight Watchers now is that they've made it incredibly easy to keep yourself accountable. I have an app on my phone that allows me to track my food and activity throughout the day/week and it also allows me to see an overall graph of my weight loss so I can see my journey-visually. Nothing motivates me more than to look at my overall weight loss and see that line go down and down and down....and then sometimes stay the same...which kicks me into gear. I have set little mini goals along the way and try to make sure that I don't get overwhelmed with the end goal weight. That's something I'll hit in the future, but not something to overwhelm myself with either.

Physically I have really tried to stay consistent in going to the gym. I have done 3 shows (AD-ed one and been in two others) since getting back with Weight Watchers in June and in spite of a busy schedule I have been able to attend the gym at least twice a week, on the average. In fact-people might be annoyed by how much I 'check into' my gym on facebook-but I can't help it-it helps me to know that people know that I'm there, and sweating my booty off! Even more recently I downloaded a couch to 5K app that got me running, literally. I have signed up for two actual 5K's and have really found my stride when it comes to running-something I never, ever in a million years thought I would do. The first race is called the Color Me Rad-and it looks like it is going to be SO MUCH FUN! A bunch of my friends and I are doing it together and here's the website if you want to check it out: . The other one is a more 'traditional' 5K, and that will be on May 19th in downtown Norfolk. Feel free to encourage me! As well as 'cheer' me on when you see my using my Nike Plus app on Facebook.

Having such an amazing family and group of friends has been invaluable. I could not do this without you all and all of your encouragement. Thank you for every comment, every like on every gym check in or whatever. I love it. Thank you.

The 'Pause'...

I love music. Pretty much anyone who knows me knows this about me. I play the piano and I sing and I do love it when I get to do both (even if the job that allows me to do so doesn't alway gel with my theatrical schedule-I have a very understanding boss..but I digress). Some of my favorite moments in music are when there is a pause-right before you know it's going to get REALLY good. We're playing one of those songs that uses that kind of moment effectively in our worship service tomorrow night. It is absolutely one of my favorite songs to play..and it got me to thinking. That pause in the music-it didn't have to be there, it's actually something we exaggerate when we play it with our little group..if it wasn't there, sure the song would be fine-but it's so much better with it there. I feel that I am kind of in a 'pause' right now in my life. What has gone on before has been great, and gotten me to this moment-but what is coming...I can FEEL the anticipation. I trust and believe that it's going to be something fantastic...and that it will be worth the wait. In the meantime-I'll try to enjoy being in that pause..and if you'd care to join me..I'd welcome the company. Join me in the antici......pation! (as dr. frank n. furter would say...)

Uncomfortable Conversations...

Everyone has to have them at some time in their life. It may be an argument that you're having with someone. Or being told something you don't want to hear..or telling someone something that you suspect they probably don't want to hear. I spent a greater part of my life avoiding uncomfortable conversations. If it was something that I could somehow avoid..then I avoided it. The problem that came with that though is that I was never happy. I mean, yes, I have experienced happiness-but things that I could have grown in years ago I just didn't, because I didn't want to deal with it. I have realized that in order to move on with things, and to find peace and a place of growth then those uncomfortable conversations have to happen. I'm about a week out from having an uncomfortable conversation..it doesn't matter about what. It happened, and while things didn't go the way that I wanted them....now that it's out there and been talked about and aired out-I can move on to that place of growth and getting over it. If I hadn't said anything, and just let it fester I would have been more miserable and more in a place of despair than if I had never said anything at all. So, what is it that you're avoiding today? I encourage you to think about having that uncomfortable conversation. Even if deep down you think it may not go the way you want-you'll probably be better off for it. Eventually.

Welcome to the Twilight Zone...

This happened about two weeks ago and I've been trying to remember to post about it ever since! So, let me entertain you with a tale of my little trip into the twilight zone. I try to leave my house in the morning with enough time so that I have time to get to the break room for my work-which is located in a different part of the mall than the store I work in so I can drop off my lunch and various items. It doesn't always work out with enough time(the snooze alarm is NOT your friend!!), but on this particular day the timing (and traffic) was good. I usually park on the fourth level and make my way down to the 2nd level in various different ways. This particular day I decided to walk down a short flight of stairs to the third level of the mall (where the food court and all is) and take the elevator down to the second. I hit the button a few times, but it was taking forever to come. I could see from the reflection across the way that they were all just sitting on the second level, but not moving, no matter how many times I hit the button. Seeing as I had enough time I decided to just make my way around to the escalator instead. As I walk around to it, I look over to the bank of elevators and as I step on to the escalator I realize that not only are they all on the second floor, but that they seem to have a few people stuck in the middle one. This is where the twilight zone kicks in...there are two people stuck in the elevator and one of them looked SO much like me from 8 months ago that I literally was dumbstruck. The girl had short hair, was wearing a red fleece type shirt (like our store's holiday colors), and jeans...and was about the size I was about 8 months ago. I couldn't stop looking at her. I really feel like I was looking into some sort of time vortex mirror from what I used to look like. I was so distracted that I had reached the bottom of the escalator and almost fell, but just ended up making my foot come out of the heel of my shoe. Anybody watching me probably would have laughed. Anyways. I really don't know what all this means, if anything...by the time I got back around from going to the break room the elevator was working again and she was long gone, so I never got a fantastic look at her. But seriously, from afar-it was me. Overall the incident has given me extra incentive to keep going down the weight loss track that I have started on. It seems to be taking SO long sometimes, and then at other times-it's just flown by. Most of all I'm just trying to stay motivated, keep making good choices, and keep putting myself and my health first. It was weird, but it made me think..and appreciate the work I've done so far.

Happy New Year..and deep thoughts...and mucus...

I find myself waxing philosophical these days. That tends to happen when I'm not feeling well and man have I NOT been feeling well. I got a pretty bad cold towards the middle of doing Jekyll and Hyde, in fact it developed into bronchitis and laryngitis (the singer's worst nightmare) but my doctor put me on the z-pak and it cleared it right up. Fast forward about a month later and on January 2nd I sneezed at 8:13am EST..and it all started up again! (and I'm only slightly dramatic). That one sneeze opened up the doorway to a full blown sinus infection/fever/cold/plague that sent me home early on Tuesday and out of work on Wednesday and to the doctor..again. I used to be a hypochondriac as a child so I really try not to go to the doctor anymore. It really burns me up that I have had to go twice in the last two months! Good thing I have good insurance. He put me on amoxicillin and suggested decongestants as well. It's really miserable not being able to breathe through both nostrils at the same time.

Anyways, while laying around yesterday feeling sorry for myself I started to think about life..and love. Almost four years ago now I took a class on the life and works of C.S. Lewis. I got to travel to England and walk where he walked and study his words in detail. I, being my typical self, procrastinated reading the material of course, and had to read a lot of it on the plane ride over..and I find now that I want to re-read it and really appreciate it. He wrote in "The Four Loves": “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” I really appreciate this and wanted to share it with you. Something to think about as we start a new year..don't let yourself be locked away, holding your love to yourself. You have to step out there...be vulnerable..be willing to share. It's the only way to truly live...in my opinion at least.

After the show is over....

Depression sets in...sigh.

So, Jekyll & Hyde: The Musical has finished its final performance, the set has been torn down and the next show is already working up on stage. I know it's inevitable but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. This show, these people, this experience..was different. I truly got along with pretty much everyone involved (a miracle with such dramatic people around =) and I suspect that the friendships forged from the show and the ones that were strengthened, are going to be friendships that will last a lifetime. I loved every moment of working on it. I can honestly say that I never took this role or this time for granted and that I truly appreciated every moment. So, when this Friday rolls around and I'm getting ready to head somewhere other than the theater (this Friday you can find me singing in a concert at my church...7:30pm, LBBC 2460 Potters Road, Virginia Beach, VA fix are $5)...I will have a moment of reflection. I'll think about the wonderful times we had, and treasure those memories.

Ch-ch-changes...

I just can't get over the difference you can see in my face from about a year ago. My friend, Paul Costen (check out his work paulcosten.com, he's fantastic) took this picture a little over a year ago for publicity photos for a show I was involved with at the Little Theater of Norfolk (Forbidden Broadway). I can't stop looking at it, and then looking at me now. I've lost only 39 pounds, officially...but I think I may have been heavier than even my starting weight for Weight Watchers back in July of this year. Anyways, I took these two pics and edited them on my phone by using an app called Diptic. It allows you to group photos together. I think the picture gives you a good idea of where I've come from, and where I'm heading. Thanks for listening/reading.

p.s. In the meantime, one weekend of Jekyll & Hyde: The Musical has already passed. Don't let the next three weekends pass without making your reservation and coming to see it! Call 757-428-9233 and leave your reservation now, don't delay! We're already fully reserved for this Sunday..but there are plenty of other dates available!