THE SLEEP TEST

Writing the title of this blog in all caps was the only way to approach it. To say that I was dreading the sleep test could possibly be the understatement of the year. It was to take place on the Monday night of a very busy week. If I could have postponed it even further, believe me-I would have. I've been nothing other than honest with you about how much I like to put these kinds of things off but I'm trying to put that sort of behavior in the past and be as proactive as possible. So, I made my appointment and I was keeping it. Tuesday night was choir rehearsal, Wednesday night was a special service at church where the choir was to sing (and I had a solo), Thursday night was a dress rehearsal for Friday night's concert and the Easter Sunday service. Like I said-a busy week. To truly tell this sleep test story right I should start with describing a bit of the appointment I had at the neurology place before the sleep test. I went in there not really knowing what exactly to expect but it was pretty routine in doctor appointment standards in that they give you a questionnaire to fill out (i.e. have you ever had trouble sleeping before?...do you watch tv in bed?....do you eat in bed..? Have you ever thought about giving up on life...That one threw me for a loop! People who don't get a lot of sleep really do lead more stressful lives apparently). Then they take you back to get you weighed and measured (on the scale and blood pressure taken) and the nurse asks you some of the questions that you answered on the questionnaire (why do they do this? are they trying to trip you up? Make sure you really know the answer to "have you ever been told you snore before?"). She leaves and then a few minutes later a man knocks on the door and enters-I don't catch his name but his title is like PA or something. Basically he's not the 'doctor-doctor', we'll call him the dress rehearsal man. This man has the personality of a drugged turtle. He asked me a few questions (again the same ones I'd already answered on paper form and been asked of by the nurse) and then went into a spiel about Obstructive Sleep Apnea, or OSA and the leading factors of what causes it and the treatments thereof. If I had wanted to ask a question during this discourse (which felt more like I was listening to a pre-recorded lecture) I don't think I could have because he didn't pause even once. Not even to take a breath. Okay, he might have taken a breath. Or he might have been a robot. Either way, the drugged turtle said his spiel and was on his way out murmuring that the doctor would be in soon. Okaayyyy...the doctor comes in (Dr. Sheh. pronounced ), introduces himself and immediately I take a liking to him as he actually smiles and has a personality! Yay! He's noticed my iPad in my hands and asks about it-turns out he's a Mac fan and uses them as well. I knew I liked him! Anyways, I explain my main reason for wanting to get tested for sleep apnea was for possible weight loss surgery and he is very supportive. He explained that the insurance companies will probably want me to be in treatment already (very helpful info!) and sends me on my way to talk to the sleep test coordinator (there is such a thing! what a weird job that would be-yes, we'd like you to come sleep at so and so time on so and so night...be there or be square...). She's very nice and I'm scheduled and set up with a follow up appointment as well for 4/29/11 at 2:15 (that'd be this Friday).

That brings us to..THE NIGHT OF THE SLEEP TEST! If this was a 1950's horror movie there'd be a lady screaming in the background as the title of the movie flashed up with creepy organ music blaring as well. I went there in my jammies (they request that you wear shorts rather than long pants as they have to hook up your legs), iPad, iPhone, iPod and pillow in tow. Also wearing a shirt from work. Could I be a bigger nerd? I'm sorry though-they give us all these shirts-they're obviously going to be worn to sleep in once their shelf life at the store is over. But I digress. I pull up to the sleep lab, get buzzed in and meet my sleep tech-Tina. She shows me where the bathroom is and leads me to a room and asks me to relax (AS IF), and watch a video that is keyed up on the tv in the room. The room itself is like a moderately priced hotel room. Not too fancy, but sufficient. Oh, and unlike a hotel-the nightstand is covered in weird looking machines that have flashy lights. So, I watch the video which is all about OSA and how horrible it is for your health and how people have coped with it..blah blah blah. I half watched it while I tried to ease my way into feeling comfortable in this room. Tina comes back in and lets me know that I'll be 'wired up' around 9:30 and oh good-I have the perfect length hair for what they need to put on my head. "great" i think....So, I settle in and watch an episode of Doctor Who Series 5 on my iPad (thank you again, Ernie) and try to 'relax'. I finish the episode and wait for Tina to come in-she's a bit later than 9:30-but no matter. She comes in around 9:45 and we begin the process of 'wiring me up'. Friends, believe me when I say this-I never want to do this again. ever. A strap goes around my 'chest area', another around my waist, sensors are stuck to my legs, neck, and ALL over my head. I lose count. Then she puts this thing in my nose and on TOP of that an air hose on top of that...all of these things are to measure things like restless legs, if I clinch my teeth, if I stop breathing..etc. Most of the sensors were plugged into a little box that looked like a beefed up power strip thingie, and-for the time being-hung on my chest strap. She left me on my own for a bit. Where of course I proceeded to take a picture of myself in this ridiculous get up. Some of you have seen this picture. The sexiness in it knows no bounds so I'm keeping it from Facebook. If you ask me nicely I'll show you-but there's no way I'm ever posting it on the interwebz. She came back around 10:15 or so, had me lay down and finished hooking me up to the wall and the flashy light machines on the nightstand table and it was 'lights out' around 10:30. Most of you know that I don't go to bed this early. So we have that going against me, plus the fact that I was in a strange place, and oh..HOOKED UP TO 15,000 wires. (I may exaggerate a bit). When I had an MRI last fall the thing that I hated the most about it was not being able to move in the tube. That procedure was only a half hour long. This was to be hours of torture. I tried to calm myself down...prayed...counted sheep...thought about life..and I think I finally drifted away for a little bit but by 12:30 I was wide awake. And I had to pee. Bad. I'd been instructed that if such a thing were to come up I'd just have to call out and Tina would come unhook me so I could 'go'. I hated everything about having to do that. I don't like to be a bother and then there was the very real fear that I'd get some of the wires in the toilet by accident and then where would we be?!? Also-it freaked me out that all I had to do was call out. That means she was listening to me. Perhaps even watching me. Creepy! Anyways, I went to the bathroom without incident and we settled me back in to try and sleep some more. She suggested I try on my side this time-as I might be less restless. Sigh. It worked for a bit. But then my brain started racing again. And I didn't feel I could move. And why was the bed so plastic-y sounding/ Could they hear me if I farted? Would I have to do this whole stupid thing over again if I couldn't sleep at all? Was I the worst person ever that they'd tried to test? You know..the usual. I must have drifted off after a while..but then I was wide awake again around 3:30. I know because I checked my iPad. I laid there for another hour (it seemed-probably not that long) and finally they woke me up around 5:30. It was 'over'. Tina came to unhook me..I ran for the bathroom (my bladder is not what it used to be. Youngins! Treat your bladder nicely! It will pay you back later if you don't!). Tina assured me that I did indeed sleep a bit and that I have nothing to worry about in getting the insurance to cover the weight loss surgery-in her opinion I definitely have sleep apnea.

Around 6 I head home to shower and get ready for work. When I showered I found a piece of gauze in my hair. So weird. It was a horrible night and I hope I never have to relive it-but I probably will when they test me with a mask on. Something to look forward to. NOT!

It's one step closer to my goal though-so I guess it's worth it. I'll post soon about my sleep test results (the official ones-not just Tina the tech's opinion. Although she was very good and professional)