Sundays..sigh...I mean, right?

Every now and then I fancy myself as something of a somewhat good writer. Then I read something really well written and I'm like...yeah. Me? Not so much. I'll attempt to keep writing this blog though. I suppose you'll never get better at something unless you keep practicing. Sunday afternoons/evenings are a bit of a strange time for me. I'm not really dreading going back to work, per se..I'm just dreading getting back into a 'routine'. I hate routines. It helps when I have a show going on-because after work I have rehearsal to look forward to. A lot of my good friends are in this show so it's like bonus hang out time. But, Sundays...yeah. Today I just wanted to be mostly lazy and I think I made a pretty good job out of it. I mean-I did take a nap..and watch a lot of Law and Order: Criminal Intent...But I also bought a ukelele, went to the gym. Since we're about to be in the last two weeks of rehearsal I probably won't have a lot of gym time. I did try to stay off of Facebook-but that dang site pulls me in. I have made a concerted effort to not be on it as much during the week because it's such a time-sucker. But my weekends are a bit more free and it just pulls me right back in. Plus, who else is going to post the funny pictures I find on the interwebz?

On a serious note though-Sunday afternoon/evenings can be a dangerous time for me because I have time to think/analyze/pick apart details of any event I happen to think of. And get depressed. Today I posted a picture of some scripture that was preached at service today-and I've read that passage before but it was like I had never seen it before. It's the 'as the deer' psalm..the rest of it is really kind of depressing-and eventually resolves in the next chapter-but something about it really touched home today.

I think ultimately what it comes down to when I get like this-is just that I'm lonely. Yes, I have a ton of friends..but my heart continues to desire to have a companion. I wish it wasn't so-but that seems to be how I'm wired. So, while it doesn't happen-I will continue to pray for my future person. Whoever you are-I hope you are well and I can't wait to meet you.

shortest blog entry ever.

I told someone that I could handle something. And at the time, I think I really thought I could. I have come to realize that I can't. Now that I have realized this I know that I need to start acting accordingly to protect myself. I wish things could be a certain way-but they never will be. Today I will grieve it. Tomorrow is a new day.

Even more pictures...to fulfill a request... =)

Hi!

So, I'm just trucking along..I've lost 70.8 pounds in a year. I have a lot to go still but I'm very encouraged and continue to keep on keeping on. I'm just as busy as usual and I've got to carefully plan out my workouts in my weird schedule-but somehow it all manages to happen.

I've had some requests for some picture updates to see how I'm progressing..so, here goes! Sorry if you're my Facebook friend too..I promise I'll stop posting pics of myself. Soon. It's just that..it helps me to see the visual change. I'm trying to not get too vain though-I promise!

 Chick's Beach

 post workout with my bff

 Bored and waiting in traffic

 my new haircut (which I adore) I've been growing my hair out since Oct 2011! Ugh

 With my buddies seeing another buddy or two in Hamlet! Post Pool Party look..ugh

Hanging out at the Fairgrounds

The theme is my purple coverup apparently! I've been going to the beach a lot and it's my go-to cover up for my bathing suit. Anyways. That's me! Over and out! =)

Almost a year ago...

This picture was taken on 'the' day. The day that I decided enough was enough. 

My friends and I were dressing up "80's" style to go see Heart and some other bands...some big ones..but Heart is really who I went to see. I was tearing my wardrobe apart looking for something that would fit and wouldn't make me feel like a blimp. I looked at my mom and said: "I'm too fat to be in public". She was horrified. But I really meant it. I could no longer stand what I had become. That was June 25, 2011 and I joined Weight Watchers on July 2, 2011. I'm coming up on my year anniversary of deciding enough is enough-and I couldn't be happier. I've lost almost (sooo close) 70 pounds and I feel so much better. I am exercising regularly, I have more energy than I've ever had before..and I'm just happier. If you've been sitting on the fence-not happy about how things are going with your body..I'm suggesting that you take charge. Let yourself feel better. You'll never know where it will lead you in a year.

Girls on the Run 5K

This weekend marked a very exciting accomplishment for me. I ran my first 'timed' 5K! If you've been keeping up with me on Facebook or Twitter then you knew that this was coming. I ran the Color Me Rad back on May 6, which was amazing-but I don't think it was a full 5K (as I finished in like 35 minutes..lol) and they didn't time it officially at all. It was a great introduction to running in a group of people though and it really prepared me to be in that kind of environment.

So, most of the week leading up to the run on Saturday was rainy so I was forced to run on the treadmill rather than outside-but I made sure to concentrate on not stopping to walk at all. It is such a different feeling to run outside vs. in...on the treadmill you're really controlled and can keep a steady pace--out in the open-all bets are off! I think that running on the treadmill to a certain soundtrack kept me aware of my pace and helped me to stay consistent on Saturday.  My endurance has really come a long way as I only stopped to walk during the race for a few minutes at a time and ended up averaging 13.19/mile! That's faster (and longer) than what I ever ran in high school. It's so funny though-when the run started my first thought to myself is..what have I gotten myself in to? I had a slight wardrobe malfunction (which my friend, Bonnie, graciously helped me out with) and after that was fixed things went a LOT better. Gotta keep the 'girls' strapped in, ladies..if you know what I mean! =) I felt good throughout the race and loved that endorphin kick after finishing! I could have taken over the world! My friends and I then went and had a nice big brunch at D'Egg downtown to celebrate. We figured we deserved it!


The not so great news is that I had woken up Friday morning with a weird tickle in my throat so I was sure to go to bed nice and early that night-and I felt a little 'eh' on Saturday but for the most part I was just excited and ready to run. I kept losing my voice throughout the day though and by Sunday morning it was completely gone and I was full blown sick. I'm sad because I missed out at church on Sunday morning but I am glad that it held off until when it did. I feel 'okay' today...going to take one more day off from the gym probably and wait to audition for a new show until tomorrow night. I just need some more rest I think.

Here are some links to 'journals' I posted of my races made through iPhoto on my iPhone. (applenerdalert). Enjoy!

Color Me Rad
Girls on the Run 5K

Sometimes I wonder...

I was at the gym tonight, sweating my a$$ off and I got to thinking and pondering past  the 'good lordalmightywhenisthisgoingtostophelpmeplease thoughts that usually go through my head. I wondered what it would have been like to have never had a problem with my weight. If I had never sat at the 'table that eats their feelings' (mean girls, anyone?) and had just been 'normal' sized instead. Well, healthy. Let's not get into what 'normal' is. In fact, one of my favorite souvenir cups is one I got while seeing The Addams Family Musical..it says 'define normal'. Ha. But I digress.


When I look back at pictures of myself from high school almost 20 years ago now (geez)..I see a normal sized girl. I probably could have stood to lose a few pounds but I was mostly around a size 12 or 14 all through high school. A size I'm dying to fit back into. The point is-I always always ALWAYS thought I was fat back then. And if I was comparing myself to the stick insects that I went to school with-then I was, but again-I digress. What if I hadn't been fixated on that? What if I had just stayed the same size? What other struggles would have I gotten myself into? I probably would be glad that I have had the struggles and trials that I'm having with weight-because at least I can do something about it. This line of thinking won't get my anywhere..but it did make me wonder.

This was me posing for a senior prom picture. More on that when I am feeling a little more able to share some vulnerable memories.

Staying the Course....

What keeps you going?

What motivates you to continue on a difficult journey?

Do you just give up?

Do you persevere and maintain that drive?
Where does that drive come from?

As I have been losing weight these are questions that keep coming up. People ask me how I stay so focused or if I just want to give up. Or they admire my tenacity and claim that "they could never do that". Well, I'm the one that got myself in this predicament and I'm the one that will have to get myself out of it. No one else can do it for me. My drive comes from within and from an assurance that I have many people praying for me, and I can feel it.

 I started working on my weight loss in July of 2011. The path I was on led to an early death at the worst, heart disease and degenerative disc diseases in my back and sleep apnea at the least. Some of the damage that has been done cannot be undone-but by losing the extra weight and visiting the chiropractor regularly I can make sure that further damage does not occur. In fact, it was some excruciating back pain (to the point where I couldn't bend over to tie my own shoes) that led me to making an appointment at the chiropractor in the first place-because the massage I tried just seemed to make it worse. I have been going for a little over a year now to In Good Hands Chiropractic with Drs. Lou and Tiffany Fernandez. Both Dr. Lou and Dr. Tiffany have been instrumental in helping me get to a good place, physically. They have been encouraging, pushed me when I needed it and overall been fantastic. I have their number if you're looking for a good chiropractor.

Anyways-once I started to feel better, physically, I knew it was time to do something about my overall health. I had tried Weight Watchers before, and been successful, but I knew that as soon as I stopped following the plan-I gained it all back, and then some. But that wasn't the program's fault-that was mine. I was so rigid in how I followed it before that I didn't allow myself any wiggle room. And when it felt like it was difficult to do it-I didn't want to do it anymore. The great thing about Weight Watchers now is that they've made it incredibly easy to keep yourself accountable. I have an app on my phone that allows me to track my food and activity throughout the day/week and it also allows me to see an overall graph of my weight loss so I can see my journey-visually. Nothing motivates me more than to look at my overall weight loss and see that line go down and down and down....and then sometimes stay the same...which kicks me into gear. I have set little mini goals along the way and try to make sure that I don't get overwhelmed with the end goal weight. That's something I'll hit in the future, but not something to overwhelm myself with either.

Physically I have really tried to stay consistent in going to the gym. I have done 3 shows (AD-ed one and been in two others) since getting back with Weight Watchers in June and in spite of a busy schedule I have been able to attend the gym at least twice a week, on the average. In fact-people might be annoyed by how much I 'check into' my gym on facebook-but I can't help it-it helps me to know that people know that I'm there, and sweating my booty off! Even more recently I downloaded a couch to 5K app that got me running, literally. I have signed up for two actual 5K's and have really found my stride when it comes to running-something I never, ever in a million years thought I would do. The first race is called the Color Me Rad-and it looks like it is going to be SO MUCH FUN! A bunch of my friends and I are doing it together and here's the website if you want to check it out: . The other one is a more 'traditional' 5K, and that will be on May 19th in downtown Norfolk. Feel free to encourage me! As well as 'cheer' me on when you see my using my Nike Plus app on Facebook.

Having such an amazing family and group of friends has been invaluable. I could not do this without you all and all of your encouragement. Thank you for every comment, every like on every gym check in or whatever. I love it. Thank you.